Thanksgiving Humor........!

hehehe.....these are funny........!

How to Cook a Thanksgiving Turkey In...
20 Easy Steps

Step 1: Go buy a turkey

Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey (scotch)

Step 3: Put turkey in the oven

Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey

Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens

Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink

Step 7: Turn oven the on

Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky

Step 9: Turk the bastey

Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get

Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer

Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey

Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours

Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 16: Floor the turkey up off of the pick

Step 17: Turk the carvey

Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch

Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey

Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out

Shot Out of the Oven

The turkey shot out of the oven
And rocketed into the air.
It knocked every plate off the table
And partly demolished a chair

It ricocheted into a corner
And burst with a deafening boom
Then splattered all over the kitchen
Completely obscuring the room

It stuck to the walls and the windows
It totally coated the floor,
There was turkey attached to the ceiling,
Where there'd never been turkey before.

It blanketed every appliance
It smeared every saucer and bowl
There wasn't a way I could stop it,
That turkey was outta control.

I scraped and scrubbed with displeasure
and Thought with chagrin as I mopped,
That I'd never again stuff a turkey
with popcorn that hasn't been popped!

So..................Don't be a turkey
Have a Happy Thanksgiving !

A THANKSGIVING POEM

Twas the night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn't sleep
I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep.

The leftovers beckoned-- the dark meat and white,
but I fought the temptation with all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation, the thought
of a snack became infatuation.

So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door
and gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore.

I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.

I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie

But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees.......
happy eating to all---pass the cranberries, please!

.........author unknown

THINGS TO DO TO LIVEN THANKSGIVING DINNER

1. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the ALL new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.

2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught," and refuse to say anything more.

3. Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad's not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game. When he comes into the room, turn off the VCR and turn on the regular TV.

4. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.

5. During mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was past the expiration date. You were worried for nothing."

	The 12 Days of Thanksgiving
	On the First Day..... We give thanks for the fresh turkey feast and its hot trimmings.
	On the Second Day..... We bless the cold turkey sandwiches, sloshy cranberry sauce, and hard rolls.
	On the Third Day..... We praise the turkey pie and vintage mixed veggies
	On the Fourth Day..... We thank the pilgrims for not serving bison that first time, or we'd be celebrating Thanksgiving until April.
	On the Fifth Day..... We gobble up cubed bird casserole and pray for a glimpse of a naked turkey carcass.
	On the Sixth Day..... We show gratitude (sort of) to the creative cook who slings cashews at the turkey and calls it Oriental.
	On the Seventh Day..... We forgive our forefathers and pass the turkey-nugget pizza.
	On the Eighth Day..... The word ''vegetarian'' keeps popping into our heads.
	On the Ninth Day..... We check our hair to make sure we're not beginning to sprout feathers
	On the Tenth Day..... We hope that the wing meat kabobs catch fire under the broiler
	On the Eleventh Day..... We smile over the creamed gizzard because the thigh bones are in sight
	On the Twelfth Day..... We apologize for running out of turkey leftovers and everybody says AMEN !

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